I don’t plan on seeing Mufasa, although having young relatives may complicate things. It’s certainly not something I want to see. I saw the 1994 Lion King in theaters as a kid and my lasting takeaway from that — based on what happens to Mufasa there — is that life is too fucking short. Too short to watch something that looks so dreary and dogshit of my own accord, for sure. And I’m also not a fan of Disney as a company. But if there’s a main reason I have no interest in this movie, it’s because of MGM.
The history of MGM’s lion logo is fascinating reading. Our household has a fondness for Slats, the first named lion and the only one who doesn’t roar. He has a shaggy dignity, the King of the Jungle in repose, although Leo is the lion I’ve seen the most, growling at the start of movies from the 1960s onward. That roar was remixed in the 1980s, by the way, and Leo has gotten digital touchups and highlights over the years, he’s always been tweaked since his roar was first dubbed in. But at the heart of that logo is a damn lion, looking around and baring his fangs. I do not know the movie I was watching a few years ago when I first saw the new lion, but I know I had a visceral reaction of repulsion that I still have every time it shows up. Because the new lion, this alleged Leo, is of course fully digitally animated. No real lions need apply.
There are many reasons to avoid using real lions (and real tigers, and real bears) in a movie. The greatest possible argument to do so is another movie, the infamous and insane Roar, in which Tippi Hedren and her family pretend that the actual lions they are living with are just big friendly cats instead of animals that bit and gouged and slashed the stars and crew throughout filming. The lions impose their reality on a would-be fictional film and that reality’s danger and indifference smashes through the film’s intended heartwarming message; this in itself makes for a fascinating movie and text but is not something that should be encouraged (especially considering the actual children involved). Slats and his MGM brothers are owned by the studio and stay safely behind the golden emblem that promises ARS GRATIA ARTIS, or art for art’s sake. But they carry within them the same reality and wild charge as Hedren’s beasts. Even tamed and filmed, that spark of life is there.
It is too early to say if the fake lions of Mufasa or the new MGM logo will destroy the planet, although that seems doubtful. But they’re destroying something else.
“He’s not a tame lion,” is how Aslan is described several times in C.S. Lewis’ Narnia books, in particular the apocalyptic The Last Battle. And in the end of that book Aslan is not even a lion at all, as Lewis moves from the metaphorical and allegorical into Biblical rapture. Lewis’ Anglicanism is often prissy and patrician and condescending but it does believe in a soul, something capable of making a choice for right or wrong. And then dealing with the consequences. The Narnians of The Last Battle choose to believe an Aslan impostor, a poor donkey dressed up in a lion skin, is the real deal, and their whole world is doomed because of it.
It is too early to say if the fake lions of Mufasa or the new MGM logo will destroy the planet, although that seems doubtful. But they’re destroying something else. Through animation a lion could do whatever the animator imagines, like a joyous dance or a shark tank daredevil attack; why are these lions merely mimicking their real-life counterparts? The beasts of Mufasa and the 2019 Lion King may engage in some unrealistic activities — talking, singing, vaguely tolerating Seth Rogen and Billy Eichner — but they do so in a style that forecloses on expression and movement to favor a realism that is entirely unreal. The MGM CGI lion is even worse in this regard, it does nothing an actual lion does not do. And yet there it is instead of the real thing.
This is not art for art’s sake because art is expressive, not imitative. What it feels like is replacement for novelty’s sake and destruction for meanness’ sake. Putting out shoddy images instead of art and replacing reality with dull simulacrums narrows the audience’s expectations on two fronts, limiting its capacity and taming its desire for works that are not tossed-off slop. The kind of gruel that’s given to beings in cages, not ones with the ability and will to choose something better. Lewis’s line that Aslan is “not a tame lion” is an allegory for the unknowable and unbiddable nature of the Christian God; the untamed lions of Roar triumph over the imposed limits of people. But we too were born free. We can choose to fight this imposition of impostor art that denies the expression of our souls. Don’t we have our pride?
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Double Features
Family heirlooms loom large in Father Mother Sister Brother and Vulcanizadora.
Double Features
Moving in time with One Battle After Another and Caught By The Tides.
Department of
Conversation
What did we watch?
M*A*S*H, Season One, Episode Three, “Requiem for a Lightweight”
One thing that did change about the show was it became less misogynistic, though obviously interpretations vary. I remember I brought this up once, and Lauren observed that Hawkeye never came off boorish because we as the audience know he’ll never go too far. I can see it; part of the comedy here is that Hawkeye and Trapper are deeply invested in impressing a woman who they don’t have a shot with (particularly Hawkeye in the final scene). Really, they’re having more fun with their language than they are invested in getting the girl, which ironically makes them charming.
(I’m also thinking about how the women on this show were generally more attractive to me than the overly sexy fanservice characters of other shows; partly because they’re more physically realistic, partly because the show goes to the effort of giving them funny dialogue and character.)
This has a rare case of successfully differentiating Hawkeye and Trapper, with Trap having a few more traditionally masculine aspects like his boxing history. This establishes Hawkeye’s cheerful and open physical cowardice, where his honesty makes him both charming and funny. BJ was much more successful as a character, with all of Trapper’s family back home and none of Hawkeye’s philandering.
This also has our first appearance of William Christopher’s version of Father Mulcahy, and right from the start we get his particular, peculiar character. I’ve been thinking lately how few characters on TV are anything like Father Mulcahy; his first scene alone has his peculiar mixture of devout Christianity, pure pragmatism, and the ironic sense of humour that comes from that combination (as well as his surprising history in boxing). His intelligence is less wicked than Hawkeye and more peculiar as a result.
Hawkeye and Trap kick off the episode playing Gin Rummy while walking, which is hilarious.
I hope there are priests in the world like Mulcahy, but I have never seen any evidence of that.
They only exist in foxholes. [Tugs collar, wipes brow] I’ll see myself out.
NBA Basketball – Watched parts of four games. Was invested in the Knicks-Spurs game, but the endless praise for Wembayana led me to hit mute. (A player on the Knicks scored 41 points and helped them win, but the story everywhere is “Wemby Scores 42 in XMas Debut.”) Couldn’t really get into the other games in part because of the endless commercial breaks. There is a lot of buzz about how NBA ratings are down. Maybe it’s because fans would rather follow the game through a gamecast and then watch highlights instead of suffering through ads and Stephen A?
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, “The Greek Interpreter” – Introducing Mycroft, played by Charles Gray,. who also played the part in The Seven-Percent Solution. Fun little story, albeit not with a happy ending.
Rapunzel’s Tangled Adventure, “Free Bird”/”Vigor the Visionary” – My wife and I finally remembered we are watching this show. It’s well made, entertaining all ages fare, but not the sort of thing you spend a lot of time analyzing. There is a pretty good song by Alan Menken in the former, as well as some great animation and character design as the cast become birds for a while. Bird-Rapunzel is adorable. And I got to thinking, as a TV show this is pretty good. But if you strung together four episodes and made a movie, it would feel like a rip-off. I bet if I were to watch Moana II at home, I would enjoy it as much as I enjoy this show. But there has to be more to a movie. Or there should be.
Kojak, “Before the Devil Knows” – A top notch cat burglar is the key to arresting his fence, a hit man, and the man who killed his partner. Kojak reluctantly works with the burglar in a twisty and entertaining hour. Guests include one time Latino heartthrob Henry Darrow, David White (Bewitched), and soap opera star Louise Sorel.
M*A*S*H, “Rainbow Bridge” – After being forced to cancel R&R in Tokyo, Hawkeye and Trapper are sent to take back wounded from the Chinese, “something decent in the middle of a giant indecency.” A lot here makes very little sense – Henry doesn’t even think about calling the brass to vet the offer from the Chinese, for one thing – but this ia generally well done and full of tension. But what the heck is up with the guy with the guitar singing about Tokyo (a part played by folk singer Loudon Wainwright III)? Mako makes his first appearance, his voice not as gravelly as it would be when he became a voice acting legend.
10/10 on Mako’s stunned, delighted, slightly horrified delivery of “What the hell is that?!”
The Package – This comes in the middle of a five picture run of middling to great action films from Andrew Davis culminating in a Best Picture nomination for The Fugitive, something McTeirnan can’t say during his great streak around the same time. There is quite a bit here that overlays onto The Fugitive. Gene Hackman, a veteran Green Beret sergeant, escorts prisoner Tommy Lee Jones from Germany back to the US. Upon arrival in America Hackman is ambushed at the airport with TLJ escaping. Investigating just what the hell is going on Hackman realizes he was a dupe in a conspiracy that aims to thwart the imminent signing of a nuclear disarmament deal between the United States and the Soviet Union. Highly implausible but lots of fun. Davis can get the adrenaline pumping in some decent action set pieces. His use of Chicago at Christmas is effective. One set piece has Hackman racing through the streets in a car reminiscent of a scene from an earlier film of his. There are just enough convolutions and twists to make it solidly very good and interesting. As a JFK assassination enthusiast I appreciated the set-up of the patsy, rogue military elements and other mirroring of the conspiracy. But as much as TLJ is a major part of The Fugitive his Tommy Lee Oswald is poorly used and after his great introduction meeting Hackman he becomes more of a blank MacGuffin. Much better used is Denis Franz in the Denis Franz-cop role.
Phil Collins: Drummer First – So that’s why they call it a drum phil.
Agree on all of this. This is a 70s paranoid thriller shoved into the 80s, with the generally sunnier vibe making an odd clash with the whole CIA assassination business, but it’s still a solid watch and the Chicago of it all (the locations, Franz) really makes it sing. Jones’ cocky asshole as opposed to grizzled asshole period is fascinating, he’s a ton of fun in this mode but like you say he doesn’t get enough use.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer – Rankin and Bass, of course. Maybe the only piece of media that actually looks pretty cool with the motion smoothing on? You can see the detail in the models and the choices in speed of motion, and that the show used 24 fps helps in this regard. Motion smoothing always comes up this time of year as we visit the homes of poor souls with their TVs dumbed down by their own makers. Has anybody encountered someone who actively prefers motion smoothing? I have only met those those who (rightly) abhor it and those who cannot tell the difference. I’m never clear who this “improvement” is for.
NFL: Chiefs at Steelers, Ravens at Texans
Well, those weren’t very competitive. 31-2 is a funny score, though.
NBA
Well, just enough to see the Celtics and Warriors thwarted in their comeback attempts.
American Dad!, “Nasty Christmas”
AD! aired a new Christmas episode Monday. Stan gets invited to the CIA holiday party and brings the family… Only to discover he’s at the fake party for the duds and the real party is at Bullock’s house. So he and Klaus conspire to crash the party, only to discover the reason he wasn’t invited is that Santa (somehow still not dead after all the previous efforts of the Smiths) is the lead singer of the band Bullock hired. And also there’s a thing with Mrs. Claus, who is an incredibly obnoxious nonstop partier. Pretty fun episode.
Scrooged
Well, that started out really strong for the first three minutes. Unfortunately, the rest of the film isn’t as nearly that funny, but overall I still generally enjoyed it. It does feel a bit disjointed, admittedly – I’m more willing to let myself get caught up in Movie Magic these days, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it is that feels off about it. Change of heart too easy? Speech too rambling and incoherent? Under-developed in the details? Not as strictly funny as it could be? I’m not sure.
Hilarious that the script was co-written by Michael O’Donoghue given what the final product is, although he apparently hated said final product. Karen Allen’s charm continues to go a really long way in any film she’s in, though. Bobcat Goldthwait is pretty fun in his role. And, hey, that’s David Johansen (of New York Dolls / Buster Poindexter fame) as the Ghost of Christmas Past!
I still have memories of seeing the music video for “Put a Little Love in Your Heart” as a kid.
Bob’s Burgers, “Have Yourself a Maily Linda Christmas” and “Yachty or Nice”
I always make sure we watch the one with “Christmas Wrapping.” And then we watched another, because there are so many. It is funny how every time Bob and Jimmy Pesto end up at the yacht club, Linda talks about their “peeing races” or “penis fights” or whatever.
Beavis and Butt-Head, “A Very Special Christmas with Beavis and Butt-Head” and “Beavis and Butt-Head Do Christmas” (“Huh-Huh-Humbug” / “It’s a Miserable Life”)
The first one is mostly just a bunch of music videos for Christmas songs. One of which is Buster Poindexter’s “Zat You Santa Claus?” So David Johansen was all over my TV yesterday.
The second one is two obvious but fun parodies of Christmas classics. Also, I’m always a sucker for whenever they’re watching TV and it’s making fun of some actual show or movie.
“Oh, Mary, look, everyone gave me money so I won’t kill myself!”
“Honey, I’m mad about Christmas, and I’m mad about you!” *aww*
Also has the “Letters to Santa Butt-Head” segment. Unfortunately they repeat some of the Christmas music videos from the previous Christmas episode. Booooo.
Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist, “Office Party”
Hmm, don’t really have too much to say about this one. Laura asks for a raise. Ray Romano is a pretty good patient.
Community, “Regional Holiday Music”
“Baby Boomer Santa” is still one of my favorite original songs for a TV show.
American Dad!, “Ninety North, Zero West” / “Dreaming of a White Porsche Christmas” / “Gifted Me Liberty” / “Santa, Schmanta” / “Yule. Tide. Repeat.”
The first one here was the one I definitely wanted to watch, as it has the insane plot of Santa trying to piece together the stones of Gilgamesh and capture his seven radiances to gain ultimate power. It’s also got Francine bizarrely displaying a ridiculous level of expertise on the topic. (FRANCINE: “In some translations, the radiances are called auras.” SANTA: “That’s the Binderman translation! Binderman’s a hack!”) (Later, STAN: “I’ve never even seen you read a magazine!”)
The others are pretty fun, too – “Gifted Me Liberty” is probably the weakest, as the plot mostly involves Stan running the investigation for Bullock into who didn’t bring a present to the CIA Secret Santa gift swap, and purposely derailing and stalling it because it was him. Most of the AD! Christmas episodes involve either epic combat with Santa or alternate realities.
Scrooged is another extremely 80s movie in vibe, the story can only go so far in the consumption- and specatacle heavy world of Richard Donner. And someone pointed this out long ago and I can’t unhear it, everyone in a Donner movie is yelling almost constantly, not just Goldthwait but Murray’s volume is way up too. But I still like this a lot, I think Murray taps into the underside of Scrooge’s mania at the end — that this might not be enough, and that he’s still on the edge — and that gives it a unique spin.
Yeah, it’s extremely 80s. I think you might be onto something with the yelling; maybe that has to do with what feels off about it, Murray is too amped up for most of the movie and maybe that makes the change of heart feel less real. The thing is, though, I can’t say I liked it a lot, but I didn’t dislike it… I just feel like, I dunno, afterward something felt a little off about it in a way I can’t put my finger on and I haven’t gotten any closer to pinning down. And while I liked it fine, and there are quite a few good performances here, it definitely never reaches the comedy heights of those fake promos at the very beginning.
the star. Reasonably solid kids’ christmas movie, telling the nativity story from the perspective of some talking animals. It’s okay. As a religious person myself, It is nice having a movie that lets you know some hollywood people are apparently religious without being hugely obnoxious maga guys, including, I infer, keegan micheal key and tracy morgan. Zachary levy is also in it.
la la land, second half. Shouting “seb you fool, you buffoon, you oaf, you moron, you clod. go to paris or I will drop a piano on your head. You king of the fumblers, you idiot” at the screen. Watching the first and second half on separate days is an option, and it does let you wallow in the bitterness a little more. I wonder what a sadder version of the same movie would be, one where neither seb nor mia achieve their dreams. The internal conflict for both is about staying true to themselves and fighting for their dreams, What’s the fight for integrity look like when you lose the fight for your dreams? That would be a completely different but an interesting riff on the same dynamic.
On rewatch, and especially in the second half, the way it’s both expressionist and staged stands out. Lots of dropping the lights, spotlights, gel lights, non-diegetic light creating deep shadows or surrounding a figure in total darkness. It’s great.
barbie . 5 year old has been wanting to see this since accidentally learning of its existence. It did not actually hold her attention because it a movie for america ferrera’s character and not for little girls who love barbie. Gosling remains funny, even if he’s actually funnier in a dramatic role (la la land) than here.
muppet christmas carol, too many times to count. The almost 3 year old will now shout “mawwy and mawwy woooo” for no reason at random times.
The Big Lebowski – Always good to revisit a sacred text on a sacred holiday.
Why, it must be Boxing Day because Dave came out punching! We were having a lazy post-Christmas conversation just this morning about the amount of computer-generated junk in the local newspaper of my parents’ town and their frustration at the sloppiness, but also frustration because they don’t see a chance for improvement if they complain. They’re discerning but they’re not rewarded for it. Next step is easy to see, which is acceptance. Forget that! Acceptance is for grief and college applications. I think it’s important to point out when junk is being produced and to remind each other it can be better.
A paranoid person (looks in mirror) would have a lot to say about how carefully and slowly this shit has been rolled out in order to produce maximum acceptance — on the lifeless lifelike CGI end, Disney has been largely using it sparingly in remakes before going all-in here (the other Lion King being the big exception); in the extremely related Corpse Fucking division there’s Peter Cushing in Rogue One to Carrie Fisher in Last Jedi to Harold Ramis in Ghostbusters: Necrophilia, all huge franchises with built-in nostalgia for the people being zombified back into life to cover the distaste of doing so. The studios are priming acceptance and as you say, fuck that. The one good thing about Mufasa is that it is so blatant that it’s easy to just shut out, as opposed to tolerate as part of a non-horrible movie, which apparently people are doing! At least to a degree that keeps it out of blockbuster territory.
adding insult to insult, the mgm lion was a barbary lion, which is now extinct in the wild.
I do not understand the appeal of photorealistic lions. I could imagine the appeal of photorealistic lions do things photorealistic lions can’t do, like surf or fly an airplane. (interesting challenge for production design: if lions evolved to use tools but never developed thumbs, what would their cockpits look like?). An actual live action lion king using classic camera tricks and feeding lions peanut butter to make them look like they were talking (like homeward bound) would also be great. In fact, they should just make homeward bound with a lion.
I cannot overstate how mad I get whenever I see the CGI lion. And I thought of Homeward Bound while writing this — simple as hell, but those are dogs and a cat! Moving! For real! That is entertainment, people! The fact that studios are throwing this extremely simple stuff away is incredibly insidious.
to be fair, I would not want to be the guy whose job it is to stick peanut butter in the mouth of a real lion.
This evisceration of the turn towards photo-realistic CGI lions is almost all I wanted for Christmas. What I really want is for them to stop, but failing that, I’ll take this passionate explanation of why they’re bad for the soul.
Thank you! I wonder if we can find digital poachers for these digital lions; or maybe use real poachers on COMMENT REDACTED
The thing I hate the most about this era of enshittification is that literally no one has asked for this. No one will ask for this. No one looked at that lion and went, ‘wow, it would be better if it were cutting edge.’ It’s a step beyond fixing what’s not broken; it’s breaking what’s not broken, making it worse, and then crying because people aren’t lauding you to the skies for the garbage you just created.
I think you are hitting on something really important here — “no one asked for this” is a solid criticism but it can be jiu-jitsued into innovation, something no one asked for because no one knew TO ask for it. No one asked for vamp-based electric jazz tape experiments, Miles Davis and Teo Macero just did them. And on the tech front, no one asked for oh I dunno Twitter, but it became something people liked and even needed. But “no one will ask for this” is the stone fucking truth, and that sales pitch of innovation and “progress” is a lie and a con. No one knew they had to NOT ask for something so shitty to be thrown in their face, why would we? “Don’t put shit in my face” should be a given. And like you say, this is by its nature breaking something otherwise unbroken.
And this generation of generative AI is never going to give us anything new. The best uses are things like ‘trying to restore damaged film stock.’ It’s an imitation machine, a dream of something a human actually made. It’s somehow even lesser than what you get from something like a randomizer.