If there’s one thing you should all know about me by now, it’s that I’m incapable of not watching a pulpy genre flick where people wind up trapped in a crawlspace with alligators.
And I will give Crawl all the credit in the world for being exactly what it promises to be. The movie doesn’t wink at the audience or mug for the camera (Sharknado), and it doesn’t use a schlocky premise as an excuse to phone it in (Slotherhouse). I find director Alexandre Aja hit-or-miss, but when I saw his name on this, I felt reassured. He has a grindhouse sensibility in a streaming world, and Crawl is a natural fit for him—grimy, direct, and action-packed, with most of the emotional scenes handled like stagy four-color comics panels.
The latter is sometimes a problem, of course. It’s not on the actors—although at certain points, you can almost see Barry Pepper wistfully remembering that he was in The 25th Hour—so much as the screenwriters. Family melodrama is all well and good, but there’s a time and a place, you know? When Pepper’s Dave, teary-eyed and broken-voiced, reminisces about how hard it was to be alone in an empty house post-divorce, I said out loud, “Right, but unfortunately you’re not alone right now, though. There are gators everywhere. Maybe focus on that.”
But to be fair, you don’t come to a movie like Crawl expecting much from the humans. Jaws managed to have animal-gone-amok horror alongside actual characterization, but absolutely no one is going to mistake Aja for Spielberg, and that includes Aja. We’re grading on a curve here.
The far bigger problem is that Crawl needs a much better sense of space. This is effectively a siege movie, and the exact geography of the imperiled territory matters. We need to have a clear idea of the layout of the crawlspace and, to a lesser extent, the house, and Aja never gives us that. Instead, the underside of the Keller family home is mazy and shadowy, punctuated with blind corners. The idea is probably to heighten the tension by making it impossible for Haley Keller (Kaya Scodelario) to see the whole area in a glance: where’s her dad, where’s her dog, where are the alligators? She has no idea, and neither do we. It’s an understandable choice in that light, but I still think the film suffers from sacrificing clarity for jump scares and immersive confusion. A related but better touch is that the ongoing hurricane makes it hard for the characters to hear each other, which also makes it hard for them to find each other.
Crawl also cheats a little too much. The alligators’ capabilities tend to wax and wane depending on what any given scene needs. If a tertiary character is on a boat, that boat can get boarded by an alligator pirate; if our protagonist is on it, it’s safe ground. If the film wants a pulse-pounding sequence of Haley doing an underwater swim for her life, then alligators can hunt by sight; if it wants to pivot to the quieter tension of father, daughter, and dog wading through chest-high water and trying to splash around too much, then the alligators only listen for the sound of splashing.
Nevertheless, while this can’t be the B-movie masterpiece I want it to be, it’s a good time. More importantly, it’s a gator-filled time. You have gators bursting into shots like the Kool-Aid Man. Gators lurching up onto a motorboat in the background of a shot, turning a bloody chow-down of a death into a laugh-out-loud moment. A baby gator hatches from an egg. Gators go into barrel rolls. They get stabbed with flares. They plunge head-first into cages. They are gators gone wild, and I’m sorry if you’re sick of seeing the word “gator” by now, but the bad news is that I’m not nearly sick of typing it.
Some of the action sequences are also fun and tense. A personal favorite—I like to think of it as the Amnesia: The Dark Descent scene—is where Haley has to navigate her flooded kitchen in a twisted game of “don’t touch the floor, the floor’s hot gators,” and Scodelario gets to show off her athleticism as she leaps and swings around the room. I also love her managing to trap a gator in the shower. It’s worth noting that both of these moments have her outside the unnavigable crawlspace and are instead in well-lit, clearly laid-out, familiar spaces where we know what she’s working with. Now that’s how you do it.
Crawl is streaming on Tubi, Paramount+, and Fubo.
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Lauren James
Lauren James is a writer who wears many different hats (and pen names). She lives in Connecticut with her wife and two cats.
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Anthologized
Dan Duryea gets a shave and a second chance.
Anthologized
A little slice of American folklore that feels like it's been here all along.
Streaming Shuffle
You make your royal bed, and you lie in it.
Anthologized
Alone in vast space and timeless infinity: one man in a ghost town.
Department of
Conversation
What did we watch?
Justified, Season One, Episode Three, “Fixer”
Here’s a question for you: what’s something that’s still great about a show when it’s at its weakest? In the beginning of its decline, The Simpsons still has some powerful moments of sentimentality, as well as brilliantly original concepts. Always Sunny has an incredibly tight sense of its characters and their world. The Shield definitely almost always retains its sense of who its characters are. This is the weakest episode of Justified so far, in that many scenes are much more traditional network drama and the characters don’t quite pop as well.
But it retains the jarring-yet-logical plot turns (Travis killing Curtis is classic Leonard), the stupid crooks plotting, and above all, those beautiful vibes. Some of the dialogue is weaker and relying specifically on talking about movies feels like a crutch (although Raylan deconstructing the quick draw is magnificent), but Pinter gets to have some absolute fun. Him working out exactly what’s going on is so great for me, and I love him forgiving his girlfriend for doing it because that’s exactly what he taught her.
Biggest Laugh: “What if he outdraws you?” / “Then I’m dead! That’s how this works.”
Top Ownage: Raylan getting three shots on Travis through a door and after getting a bullet in the body armour.
Doc Potterywood!
Glory — this really lays it on with a fucking trowel at times, Edward Zwick loves to linger on an inspirational look and James Horner’s score is there to plug any emotional gaps Zwick may have missed, overbearing choirs apparently ran rampant in the 1860s. Give it a rest you knobs! The battle stuff, on the other hand, rules and it’s like another Zwick has stepped in, the carnage is not as gruesome as war movies get but the close quarters combat and the final sequence in particular (where the music actually works in concert with the footage) are not fucking around, these battles were slaughters. And whenever the movie steps away from the quavery Broderick to focus on the black soldiers it really hits its stride, the night before that final battle cuts the choir for men singing and chanting and testifying and it’s everything the earlier sappiness was not. It is a damn shame you know exactly what will happen later on when Washington says “I won’t carry your flag” but he fucking sells it and his cynicism and outright cruelty and refusal to give in beforehand gives the movie its charge, what a star.
Severance, “In Perpetuity” and “The You You Are”
Some good plotting in these episodes, especially with Helly’s increasingly more committed pushes against her outie’s “ownership” of their lives: one thing I love about her is that she’s never afraid to escalate, even when self-harm becomes the only real currency she has. I also really love Ricken’s self-help book becoming a talismanic object for the innies; it actually hits on something I love about art, which is that even the works it’s easy to dismiss as corny or obvious or far too flawed can often connect with someone on a genuine level. These are people in desperate need of outside ideas (“no book but the handbook,” their corporate scripture says) and some sense of identity and personal control, and Ricken’s work can give it to them. It doesn’t matter if he’s a goofball with weird non-dinner parties who wants to give his unborn child three beds at once. He’s the voice they need when they need it. I also love watching Irving and Burt connect, with the tender and awkward beginnings of their romance; it’s especially nice, and historically resonant, to see two true believers who are using what they’ve been taught in a way their teachers never intended.
On the other hand, I’m meh on how Petey’s death is handled, because it’s hard not to notice that he tells Mark just enough to make him intrigued by and slightly wary of whatever’s going on in his other life, but not enough to actually make too much plot happen. I could live with that more easily if the contrivances keeping it from happening were more explicit–oh no, he’s tired or confused from the reintegration sickness, and he just can’t talk more right now! Oh no, Mark is cutting him off because he’s not ready to have his eight hours of nonexistence jeopardized yet!–but somehow the fact that the show doesn’t even bother to manipulate the circumstances around it makes the manipulation even more obvious. Now they just didn’t talk that much about it for no real reason.
Favorite lines: “If you want a hug, go to hell and find your mother” and Helly and Mark’s whole conversation about how Helly would intimidate Optics & Design by killing Mark and wearing his face, possibly inside-out.
Kojak, “How Cruel the Frost, How Bright the Stars” – Christmas in New York, but not a merry one for our detectives. This is a very melancholy if not entirely hopeless Christmas episode, with a great cast of New Yorkers in distress and with Kojak lamenting the state of the city as the year 1975 (“Ford to NYC: Drop Dead”) ends. One thing I really liked here is that he interacts with a sex worker and treats her very well. She is just a person, someone who deserves respect and a merry Christmas. Among the guests are Veronica Hamel years before Hill Street Blues, and very young John Larroquette and Edward James Olmos.
Frasier, “The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl” – Frasier and Kate’s almost uncontrollable lust leads to fifteen seconds of the two of them calling each other “bad boy” and “dirty girl” on air. He’s suspended, but she remains anonymous. And they decide to stop the lust. Or do they? Once again, there are aspects of this that are problematic, since this is hardly a healthy workplace relationship. But this one is also very funny, especially seeing Niles react to the broadcast. (He really should just listen to classical radio.)
Justified, end of season 5 – yeah, this pulled everything together nicely. I found that my least favourite season (3) still managed a really strong final episode despite much of the season not working for me, this season had its issues but by the time it reached these final three episodes it was firing on all cylinders so I’m very happy that it cleared that fairly low bar with ease. In particular, these episodes find the show returning to one of its best recurring themes, throwing Boyd into a seemingly impossible situation and then having him find a way to get out of it while looking like a badass. Death by cigarette packet? Hell yeah. Shooting somebody while handcuffed? HELL yeah. Everything seems nicely set up for the final (proper) season, although I’m not sure whether knowing that there was a “limited series” revival will take some of the tension out of it being The End.
Will never forget busting out laughing at the packet reveal.
It’s so much fun. Both because people call him out as a non-smoker but he gets away with it anyway, and also because the first meeting gets interrupted by the marshalls and they have to reunite for a second attempt later. So much wonderful build-up and then BOOM
Bird – Andrea Arnold returns to fiction filmmaking and hasn’t lost a step. This is indie coming-of-age story #1023 on the year by my count, but Arnold’s sense of place is so specific that it makes even familiar beats of the genre feel fresh. She gets great performances from newcomer Nykiya Adams and a fantastic Barry Keoghan who plays the neglectfully loving father with unguarded reserves of pathos. He’s not afraid to be the clown, but it’s all part of a journey to the palm of his hand in the end.
We also get Franz Rogowski in a beguiling character that on paper seems like it should derail the whole thing but becomes instrumental in kicking the movie into an unexpected new gear. By the time we reach another thing I thought was lost to cliche – the end credits dance number – I’m grateful for the joyful images while I wipe away the tears. Bird!
As usual I’m 3 years late to the discussion about Barbarian. But that’s ok, I’m used to talking to myself. I liked that the movie jerked me around (not off, but around). I was unable to tell where it was going and that made for a compelling watch. I asked my wife what she would have done in that situation and she said she wouldn’t have walked in the door in the first place. That would have made for a very short and very boring movie.
I am in the minority, but I was basically rooting for Long in this. He was a hilarious douchebag, but I also started resenting how much the movie was working to emphasize that he’s a bad guy, and if you are starting that emphasis by claiming a guy rocking out in a car somehow sucks, that is not going to work on me pal.
I think they just wanted to showcase Justin Long’s beautiful singing voice.
Invincible, “It’s About Time”
“You couldn’t just take one day off? Let us kill the president?”
I made a deal with someone on another forum that I’d watch this if he watched The Shield. So, of course, I saw a chance to spread our gospel, and only at the cost of 20-ish hours to myself. I don’t really know much about comic book stuff, so I went in knowing very little.
The main character is Mark Grayson, a 17-year-old with a human mother and a father who is Omni-Man, basically this world’s version of Superman (complete with faraway-planet origin story). Because of his lineage, his powers should be coming online soon, and he’s frustrated they aren’t, and his dad’s a little worried too. And so he goes about his life doing normal high-school-kid things, working his after-school job. And one night there he’s taking out the trash and accidentally throws one of the garbage bags into space. I guess his powers have arrived, and now his dad gets to teach him how to use them.
It’s a pretty solid story, interesting angle to explore. And there are some pretty funny lines and details. (Why wouldn’t Superman and Superman Jr. play catch by flying high into the sky and throwing a baseball completely around Earth in an orbit?) And an excellent cast, to be sure– Steven Yeun as Mark, Sandra Oh as his mother Debbie, and J.K. Simmons as Nolan / Omni-Man. And look, if you look over the cast list, that’s really just scratching the surface.
And then the last scene happened.
I won’t even hint at what it was, because I didn’t see it coming at all. But as far as pilot twists go, that might well have been Shield-level. There’s a lot more going on here than I initially realized. And now I’m curious to find out what it is.
Pretty solid so far. At the very list, I don’t think I made a mistake trading this for The Shield.
St. Denis Medical, “Sometimes It’s Good to Be Cautious”
Mmm, a few funny bits in this one but not nearly at the level the show is at its best. Makes me wonder if this was an earlier episode they just held over so they could build an audience with better episodes first.
the great north, season 5 episode 2.
Solid episode. Wolf is going to appear on an alaska survival themed reality show. Great line early on where he imagines life after he wins. Beef predicts “playing tag with james fallon on the tonight show” and wolf (will forte) says “he’ll be laughing so much.” I relish every chance someone takes to twist the knife on that giggly little dork.
Agreed on all points with this movie, down to being forgiving of its flaws because it has modest ambitions and meets them, which tends to make me more affectionate of a movie than most. I think the instructive comparison is Green Room, which has the same level of ambition – a fun, intense thriller – but more skill, but it also knows it’s not as good as Green Room, let alone, I dunno, Alien (which is also a fun time at the movies, but has more to say than something like Green Room<>/em>). But I respect someone that knows what they’re about, down to knowing how good they are.
Yeah, the straightforward goals here–and the genuine enthusiasm for those goals–make this work even when I have technical quibbles. The idea of a Crawl-Green Room-Aliens scale really works for me, too.
The platonic ideal of a 3-star movie, it gives me exactly what’s promised and not an ounce more. And just in case you’re tempted to be all serious-faced about it walking out of the theater (well, living room), a so-obvious-it’s-hilarious needledrop over the credits.
I said, “Well-played,” as soon as that music started rolling over the credits.
A good credit needledrop can be the icing on a goofy cake.
Year of the Month update!
This April, we’ll be looking at 1999, so you can write about any of these movies, albums, books, et al!
TBD: James Williams: 10 Things I Hate About You
Apr. 7th: J. “Rodders” Rodriguez: The Scooby Doo Project
Apr. 8th: Bridgett Taylor: …One More Time
Apr. 18th: Cameron Ward: The Mummy
Apr. 28th: Tristan J. Nankervis: The Sixth Sense
And here’s how we’re wrapping up Silent Era Month!
Mar. 27th: Sam Scott: Peter and Wendy
Mar. 30th: Lauren James: The Well of Loneliness
Mar. 31st: John Anderson: The Lodger: A Story of the London Fog
I have an idea for matrix, fight club, office space, american beauty, and maybe boondocks saints, toy story 2, the phantom menace, and blair witch, but that’s taking too many movies and would spiral out into 10,000 words on the cold war and the gwot. I will try to think of a sub-1000 word take I want to write about no more than 2 of those.
“the film suffers from sacrificing clarity for jump scares and immersive confusion” – you lay out the space issues well but I think the endless supply of gators, while good for individual scenes (eat it, cornrows!), hurts the movie overall. It’s a lot more suspenseful to operate with knowns and be surprised by their actions, as opposed to an unknown amount of the same known antagonist — this can be done once and is done well here with one -> two! gators, but everything after is lesser. Still a good B movie though.
That’s a good point about the endless supply of gators. I gave that more of a pass because I recently rewatched Assault on Precinct 13, where it felt like the constantly inflating, almost zombie-esque numbers of the gang members didn’t necessarily hurt anything–but that movie has a very tight control of its space. I think the problem here is that both the defended space and the number and abilities of the invading gators aren’t well-defined, which, by lessening the predictability and comprehensibility, actually lessens the suspense.
That one –> two! gators moment really is magnificent, though.
Yeah, hordes are great! AP13 maybe fudges the numbers but is clear from the start the threat is “horde” so the threat of overwhelming is consistent and escalating, and that feeds into the clearly defined space to be defended. I think the Pratchettian troll counting system of 1, 2, many, lots is a pretty good guideline for how to set up a threat (the main exception I can think of is Tremors counting to four), once you’ve moved past the first two you need to alter your dynamic.