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Why I Hate Sheldon Cooper

Bazinga. Ugh.

Look, hatred for The Big Bang Theory is so hacky and cliche at this point that the backlash against the show had its own backlash, which has mostly died down into a contempt that has become – and this feels pretentious to say, but it’s accurate – vestigial. At best, people vaguely remember that they’re supposed to think the show fucking sucks, probably dropping the word ‘bazinga’ to mock it. I think the show actually managed to outlive its hatedom considerably; if it had ended in season five, maybe, there’d practically be dancing in the streets, but I think the only reason anyone noticed it ended in 2019 was because its spinoff Young Sheldon picked up the slack (as in “Oh, this shit isn’t over?!”).

Some of the backlash was straight-up embarrassing, with the phrase “nerd blackface” in particular picking up traction, a phrase which highlights how the criticism could often be as shallow and inane as the show itself. A big fundamental aspect of the backlash was insecurity; nerds, as a rule, are sensitive little babies who take even the mildest criticism as personal attack, and the show’s implied insult in its shallow humour grated people the wrong way.

At the same time… I fucking hate Sheldon Cooper and I fucking hate The Big Bang Theory. I’m in a good place in my life right now, I have accepted the decisions I’ve made in life – constructive, destructive, and things that seemed at the time like one but were actually the other – and I’ve forgiven people who hurt me, knowing we were all doing what seemed like the right thing at the time, and this forgiveness has unfortunately given me a more clear-eyed understanding of fault that is now mostly useless.

I will be the first to admit that ‘being compared to Sheldon Cooper’ ranks pretty low on the crimes committed against me, but I feel better able to articulate why it bothered me so much. Even at the time, I was annoyed because the show never really ‘punished’ Sheldon for any of his behaviour. Nowadays, I can express this as the show being irritatingly underplotted; most episodes of TBBT are Sheldon doing something outrageous, then he keeps doing it, then the episode ends.

From a comedic standpoint, this created a flat energy; there is no escalation of tension that you’d find in a classic farce, just variations on a concept. Sheldon does something silly and then he does the same thing in a different way, and the characters might futilely mock him for it, but they’ll never escalate back. This also always bothered me on a moral level too, though. When you get right down to it, the thing that always bothered me about Sheldon and his popularity with neurotypicals is that, yeah, when I was young, I was very much like Sheldon; pedantic, stubborn, and often feeling entitled to my preferences. 

The difference is that when I was like that, everyone got mad at me! It doesn’t seem plausible to me that the characters would just stand back and let Sheldon do whatever he wanted without a fight, because nobody ever did that for me. The famous “that’s my spot” scene played out many times in my childhood, and it ended one of two ways: violence, or some out-arguing me. I knew many people like Penny growing up, and I always thought the more plausible response would have been her hearing all the details of Sheldon’s explanation for the quality of that spot, thinking it over, and deciding he was right and then claiming the spot for herself.

(For maximum comedy, Sheldon would respond by getting a water gun. As he pumps the gun, Penny dismisses the idea that water would upset her, and he explains that it’s not filled with water, but with cat urine, and opens fire. This is not exactly what I would have done as a kid, but it’s the comedic expression of something I would have at least considered.)

What really gets under my skin isn’t this, but that neurotypical audiences love it. The fact that people could berate me for my behaviour and embrace Sheldon for doing the exact same thing drove me nuts, especially because I was seventeen by then. I was becoming humbled by the world, recognizing that my behavior could be hurtful, and taking genuine steps to change. It felt like they were insulting my attempts to compromise.

The nuance I feel now is less to do with that being wrong and more with Sheldon’s place in the larger world. One thing I came to realize bothers me about Sheldon is that this is how neurotypical people see us; the true viewpoint character of the show isn’t Sheldon or even Leonard, it’s Penny, who finds these people endearingly weird and enjoys acting as a kind of surrogate parent for someone failing to explore the world.

I assume it’s obvious that I find this horribly insulting and infantilizing. I consider myself one of those people who are drawn to empathy because I so rarely seemed to receive it; whatever things my mother did to me, I’m grateful that she took the time to understand how I think and appealing to it, giving me a basic understanding of what it’s like to be understood and knowing what it looks like when that’s not happening.

(Useful Sheldon-like anecdote: when I was in kindergarten, my teacher got frustrated that I wouldn’t write my thought process for solving problems. When my mother confronted me about this, I told her that I knew how I did it. My mother explained that my teacher couldn’t read my mind, and, more specifically, that being able to explain my thoughts would be a necessary step to passing the class and thus one step on the road to becoming an astronaut.)

Sheldon is a neurodivergent person presented through the eyes of a neurotypical, for other neurotypicals. He’s a clownish, bombastic figure who ruins the stability of the status quo; it’s easy to see how a real neurodivergent person would find this a familiar, exasperating, and insulting narrative. I’ve heard fair criticism of Sheldon’s contemporary, Abed Nadir, from Community; that he’s an indulgent fantasy figure allowed to act destructive and childish. I, for one, appreciate an explicitly autistic character who is cool for the exact qualities I like in myself, and who I am asked to identify with and whose story is mine.

The flipside of this is that neurotypical people do actually love us. They love Sheldon and they love us, and they see the connection between the two, as exasperating as that is. They were drawn to the show because Sheldon reminded them of us, and indeed it’s impossible to ignore that the show was at the height of its popularity as understanding of autism and other neurodivergent traits became more widespread. Sheldon became part of their way of processing us; of accepting our more destructive behaviours with good humour.

Unfortunately, our narrative is ours, and theirs is theirs. I have become resigned to the fact that people still look at me and see Sheldon, that this is an expression of affection on their part, and that I don’t have to take it on as part of my self-image. There are much worse problems to have than to be loved incorrectly.