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Year Of The Month

I hate too hard and shoot too fast: I, The Jury

“Listen, pimple face. Don’t go playing man when you’re only a boy."

“Women sense my power and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, Mandrake. But I… I do deny them my essence.”

– General Jack D. Ripper, Dr. Strangelove

NOTE: This review discusses the entire plot of I, The Jury

Mike Hammer fucks. He wouldn’t say the word “fuck,” certainly not in 1947, when he burst onto the literary scene and kicked its teeth in with I, The Jury, but his debut novel makes sure to include scenes of him banging one of the many ladies looking to get him in the sack. But while Hammer hammers her twice, she’s the one who initially puts the moves on Hammer both times. She’s explicitly characterized as a nympho, which makes her horniness impersonal — if it isn’t Hammer now, it’ll be someone else soon enough — so denying her won’t give Hammer any power. So sooner, rather than later or not at all, they bone. The other women could have more meaning, so Mike Hammer denies them his essence.

What is the essence of Mike Hammer? It is potent, crude, violent. I, The Jury is about Hammer investigating the gut-shooting murder of his old cop and army buddy and Hammer immediately vows to kill the killer in the same way:

“I hate hard, Pat. When I latch on to the one behind this they’re going to wish they hadn’t started it. Some day, before long, I’m going to have my rod in my mitt and the killer in front of me. I’m going to watch the killer’s face. I’m going to plunk one right in his gut, and when he’s dying on the floor I may kick his teeth out.”

Throughout the book Hammer beats the shit out of people non-stop, pushing the weak around and breaking bones of those who try to push him. But he also has friends all over town — there’s the aforementioned Pat, his police pal and source for info on the investigation; the plucky mob gofer Bobo; and various black acquaintances. In servile roles, of course, and Hammer’s friendliness is not going to stop him from casually tossing slurs like “darky” around, but the casual racism and condescension points to Hammer’s weird charisma binary. He is hated by crooks and hates them back, but non-crooks are allowed to admire him, to bask in that essence. A psychiatrist lands somewhere between flattery and truth, a character reading the mind of the author, with her take on Hammer: “I diagnosed you the moment you set foot in my office. I saw a man who was used to living and could make life obey the rules he set down. Your body is huge, your mind is the same. No repressions.”

Hammer knows that banging his hot secretary who also takes care of him, let alone forming a meaningful relationship with her, will trip him up.

Mike Hammer can fight all day, drink all night and wake up the next morning ready to do it again with no hangover and no compunctions. And aside from the various sniveling effetes and goon stereotypes, everyone is enthralled by this. In a very weird way he is not as similar to Philip Marlowe as he is to Bella Swan, the heroine of Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight. Bella also narrates her action-packed and lusty adventure, her first-person tale giving a narrative thrust to a wish-fulfillment stand-in. And while she is constantly running herself down in a very un-Hammer way, she has everyone else in the narrative to tell her that she’s great, actually. She’s beautiful and perfect, so perfect the horniest supernatural being of them all is willing to restrain himself in order to gain her love. He represses himself while making sure life obeys the rule he sets down, that Bella must be venerated above all, and aside from some various sniveling vampires and goon students everyone is more than willing to go along. Bella has to be told she is special, Mike Hammer just knows this. And while Bella’s VFF tells her she was so desirable he wanted to kill her — I need you! But I must stay away! — Hammer keeps promising his secretary Velda that he’ll marry her before finding a way to break the deal.

Every time Hammer and Manning are about to bang, he is the one who walks away.

This reads very oddly after a while; Spillane gives Hammer a jokey tone but no screwball snap of real emotions redirected toward combat. And Hammer’s ongoing rueful realizations that he’s leaving something pretty good on the table feel off too. “Can’t afford to trip myself up; though with Velda maybe it wouldn’t be so bad at that” Hammer muses, and the second part of that sentence is smothered by the first. Hammer knows that banging his hot secretary who also takes care of him, let alone forming a meaningful relationship with her, will trip him up, throw off the balance of power he uses to overwhelm everyone in the book.

He falls harder for Charlotte Manning (an interesting last name there), the psychiatrist mentioned earlier. She’s beautiful and smart and besotted with Hammer, and he is in turn captivated by her. The heavy petting and intellectual stimulation (he goes over a lot of the case with her) is pretty great, but she really wins his heart at dinner:

“The table was laid out for two. On the table was a big pile of fried chicken and another equally large basket of French fries. …I was dumbfounded. Either she kept a complete file of my likes and dislikes or she was clairvoyant. Chicken was my specialty.”

This is absolutely hysterical. She’s giving you the kid’s menu, Hammer! Fucking chicken tendies and fries, all that’s missing is a placemat with a maze on it. And he literally eats it up. But Charlotte’s diagnosis quoted earlier — which she gives during that dinner — is tied to her cooking. Because in so many ways, Mike Hammer is a child’s fantasy, of being super strong and tough, of being feared and loved and fulfilled. Spillane’s blunt style perfectly realizes this and more than anything that unification creates the momentum that is the book’s biggest strength, the sense of being swept along in this brutal guy’s story, feeling every broken bone and caressed throat and savage threat:

“Listen, pimple face. Just for the fun of it I ought to slap your fuzzy chin all around this room, but I got things to do. Don’t go playing man when you’re only a boy. You’re pretty big, but I’m three sizes bigger and a hell of a lot tougher and I’ll beat the living daylights out of you if you try anything funny again. Now sit down over there.”

Feeling the thrill every time Mike Hammer gets what he wants from whoever he wants it, and above that, feeling the power of being the final arbiter, even if that means Hammer doesn’t get something. Because he denied it to someone else. Every time Hammer and Manning are about to bang, he is the one who walks away. “I’m going now,” he tells her after some tonsil hockey following the great chicken chow-down of 1947. “If I don’t, I’ll never leave. The next time I’ll stay longer. I don’t want to do this wrong. I will if you keep me here.” 

“I won’t play the sap for you,” Sam Spade tells Brigid O’Shaughnessy in The Maltese Falcon, rejecting the possibility of love for the certainty of rough justice. But this is a refusal, not the superior denial of another hiding in the moralistic self-denial of “I don’t want to do this wrong. I will if you keep me here.” Mike Hammer is putting this dame in her place. And he is right to! Unsurprisingly, the woman who seems perfect for our hero turns out to be a megalomaniacal drug-dealing supercriminal whose depravity is only matched by her sadism. Hammer figures this out, though. He runs through the time-honored reveal of the entire scheme as Charlotte slowly strips, attempting to use her last and best resource to distract him, to trip him up:

“Lovely legs that started from a flat stomach and rounded themselves into thighs that belonged more in the imagination than reality. Beautiful calves. Heavier than those you see in the movies. Passionate legs. All that was left were the transparent panties. And she was a real blonde.”

And then she has a real big hole in her belly when Mike Hammer blows her away with his .45, just like he promised to do to his friend’s murderer in I,The Jury’s first chapter. He never gave into her charms and never fully gave her his own. If denying true intimacy gives Mike Hammer a child’s sensibility and a child’s selfishness, it also gives him a child’s ruthlessness and a child’s sense of fairness and that gets results, you stupid chief. In the end, Charlotte Manning finds out Mike Hammer’s essence is not a hot load in the pants but hot lead in the gut, and a final denial that she ever would’ve gotten something besides his cold judgment:

“How c-could you?” she gasped.
I only had a moment before talking to a corpse, but I got it in.
“It was easy,” I said.