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Streaming Shuffle

Pray for Death

A ninja movie that goes to eleven.

I watched this shortly before it left Tubi at the end of March, and I’m so relieved that April hasn’t—in streaming terms—left it homeless. I wanted to commend Pray for Death to your attention, and commend it I shall.

This is a gleeful victory of action over taste, restraint, and common sense. It’s gaudy, blood-spattered proof that grit and realism aren’t interchangeable. It’s also proof that a movie doesn’t need realism as long as everyone involved commits wholeheartedly to the story’s batshit internal logic.

Pray for Death opens with an old school ninja rampage, with the always badass Sho Kosugi laying action-packed waste to a veritable army of his more inept, gray-garbed counterparts (look, you get what you pay for with budget ninjas). But this scene—historical and rural—gives way: it’s just a movie the two young Saito boys are watching. Hey, that ninja looks a lot like their dad! Promising young salaryman Akira Saito (Sho Kosugi again) chuckles. Now, kids, everyone knows there are no more ninjas.

But—gasp!—Saito is a former ninja himself! In one of many scenes I will fondly call “inexplicable but nonetheless incredible,” we find out that Saito hung up his nunchaku after his traitorous brother (also a ninja) died while committing ninja crimes. Saito likes making dramatic career decisions, so, despite being on the verge of a major promotion, he goes along with his wife’s whim to uproot their lives from Japan to Houston. They’re going to open a Japanese restaurant. In an extremely rundown, impoverished, crime-ridden neighborhood. In Texas. In 1985. Honestly, this could become a grim tale of one family’s total financial collapse, so it’s probably for the best that we turn to some nice lively violence instead.

Saito and his wife, Aiko (Donna Kei Benz), acquire a surprisingly diverse amount of property from eccentric, gently pathetic widower Sam Green (Parley Baer): living quarters, a restaurant, a mannequin warehouse with a sawmill loft, and a disused cigar shop that Sam locked up for good after his wife and business partner died. Unbeknownst to Sam, crooked cops moonlighting for a local gang have been storing stolen goods in the cigar shop. Unbeknownst to the local gang, one of those cops has decided he’s not getting a big enough cut, so he’ll be making off with the priceless Van Adda necklace he helped stash. Recovering the stolen necklace falls to enforcer Limehouse Willie (James Booth, also our beloved screenwriter). Limehouse Willie? Not a man prone to Hamlet-like fits of indecision. Limehouse Willie may not technically know who took the necklace, but if he kills, beats, kidnaps, and burns enough people, eh, either he’ll eventually figure it out or he’ll have a great time at work.

Wilie starts with the hapless Sam Green, giving him the kind of cackle-inducing over-the-top death that establishes the movie’s essential mood (that mood is “on fire”). Well, if it’s not Sam, maybe it’s one of the Saitos. Better kidnap one of the kids as leverage! It’s fine. Their dad is a would-be restauranteur, not a ninja—OH NO. Oh, somebody’s going to be praying for death.

I summarized so much of the lead-up to the crime plot here in order to bask in how needlessly bananas it is. It’s like it never even occurred to Booth that he could have had Saito cross the mob by—for example—refusing to comply with a protection racket. No Occam’s razor here. We’re doing Occam’s ninja star. With everything.

What Pray for Death understands, correctly, is that suspension of disbelief allows you one bonkers plot element, particularly as part of a story’s fundamental premise. It doesn’t allow you two. It does, however, allow you infinity, especially if everyone, including the stunt coordinators and action choreographers, plays it straight—and they do. This all takes place at a consistent, competently portrayed level of reality; it’s just not a reality anyone else has ever been in. This is how you script your movie if you want to eventually have a fight scene that answers the age-old question of “ninja vs. Leatherface, who would win?” Answer: all of us.

Pray for Death is streaming on Fubo, MGM+, Philo, and … Tubi again, despite it now being April? I knew you wouldn’t betray me, Tubi!

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