The prettiest man I ever saw.
—Curly Bill Brocius on Mr. Fabian, Tombstone
I was at the grocery store the other day. I bought myself a Coke. Currently, they have Star Wars characters on them, and I happened to pull out one with Lando Calrissian, and I said, “Ooo, the sexiest man in Star Wars.” The woman ahead of me laughed and said that she was more into Ewan McGregor. We talked a minute and brought up Harrison Ford, Oscar Isaac, and John Boyega, as well, but we agreed that, if you want pure sexy, Lando’s your man.
Now, what none of those men have in common is being what certain people tell you men have to look like in order for women to find them attractive. Quite frankly, few women (or NB) people I know find that attractive. There’s more to it than “there’s someone out there for everyone.” With all the love in my heart for the man as a person, women aren’t exactly lining up to tell you how hot they think Stephen King is, but his relationship with Tabby has lasted for decades and is beautiful. This is “women’s tastes are more varied than the manosphere wants you to believe.”
I mean, our beloved Artdork and her crush on Benedict Cumberbatch is an accepted fact. But she’s not the only one. Nowhere near it. To the point that some of his fans take it a little too far in how they talk and think about it. And, okay, he looks like an otter, but clearly that’s not going to change things. He’s more conventionally attractive than Adam Driver, who also has a rather unsettling fan base.
The ‘70s were the golden age of “not conventionally attractive leading men,” with Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino, and so forth, though you also get the golden good looks of Robert Redford and the devastating eyes of Paul Newman. And it’s definitely true that there are certain features that are talked about when it comes to certain men. Paul Newman and his eyes. Cillian Murphy and his eyes and cheekbones. For a lot of people, it’s the eyes.
Don’t look to People to tell you, either. The Sexiest Man Alive list is . . . erratic. For one thing, they need someone who’s willing to take the title, and not every man is. Apparently they ask focus groups and female celebrities, and pretty much any woman you ask can give you chapter and verse on who does and doesn’t belong on the list, not least because of my feelings about “sexy” as opposed to “handsome” or “charming” or what have you. They’re all forms of attractive, but they’re different forms of attractive.
Names that have come up when I’ve talked to women have ranged from Humphrey Bogart to “fat Thor.” It’s also worth noting that Idris Elba comes up, as does Aldis Hodge. The running joke with one of my best friends is that Sexiest Man Alive is worthless because Antonio Banderas isn’t dead yet, and of course poor Pedro Pascal deserves to have people stop asking him ridiculously sexual questions in interviews. Chow Yun-Fat has been mentioned, and shall we talk about how Sessue Hayakawa was one of the first sex symbols in Hollywood history? And, yes, this includes comments from white women.
As far as men’s bodies, it’s not all about the muscles, either. I’ve never heard a woman talking about Mr. Universe contestants. Oh, maybe Arnold Schwarzenegger, but that’s about it. It’s worth noting that Peter Hinwood in The Rocky Horror Picture Show, when Janet refers to his having too many muscles, is considerably less muscular than certain men think women want men to look today. There are women who like Rocky’s level of muscles, but the ones with the bulging veins and so forth are considerably less desirable and frankly most women find them kind of alarming.
And, of course, personality does count for quite a lot. “Johnny Depp before I found out how Johnny Depp he was,” for example, or Jared Leto burning that My So-Called Life goodwill. Part of Pedro Pascal’s appeal for a lot of people is that he is incredibly supportive of his trans sister and by extension the trans community. Chris Evans seems nice on top of being easy on the eyes. Obviously we don’t know celebrities’ true personalities, but let’s be real, Keanu Reeves has grown in a lot of people’s estimations due to the sheer number of stories there are about what a sweetheart he is.
Oh, there actually likely is someone for everyone, especially if you work at least as much on being a decent person as you do on your appearance. Be a good person, not a Nice Guy. But if looking at the list of men described here—which is frankly just a start—doesn’t indicate that taste varies incredibly, try actually talking to women. (Or NB people; we have no intention here of leaving them out, though goodness knows the manosphere does.) Maybe mention Kyle MacLachlan or, yes, Billy Zane. Or Billy Campbell. Sidney Poitier. Cary Grant. George Clooney. Michael Horse. Sir Patrick Stewart. Simu Liu. So many men of so many different appearances. Name any man, and someone’s probably attracted to him. Even if it just makes you think that there’s no accounting for taste.