Butterfly McQueen and Cynthia Nixon

Generation X grew up neglected; that’s probably the best-documented thing about us. Most of us can tell you stories about going home to an empty house. We watched a lot of syndicated TV, but also we watched a lot of afternoon TV. And the best thing ever was to discover that there was an ABC Afterschool Special airing that week. Or CBS Schoolbreak Special, its lesser cousin. Special Treat, the NBC version I didn’t remember existed. And, of course, the generally-adapted-from-literature ABC Weekend Special.What I didn’t appreciate until adulthood was exactly how bonkers the casting could be. Some of that is only something you can appreciate in retrospect, looking back on things like “that is three of them starring future two-time Oscar winner Jodie Foster.”

How did they get started? That’s an excellent question. At any rate, the series ran sporadically from 1972-1997, with between four and eight episodes a year. The CBS version started as Afternoon Playhouse and changed names in 1984. Under the two names, it ran from 1978-1996, much the same way. Special Treat was 1975-1986, and Weekend Special was 1977-1997. Given those dates, it becomes crystal clear why they are a Gen-X memory in particular. In fact, many of them were clearly designed to help us cope with issues theoretically our parents should be teaching us or trying to encourage us to actually read.

And when you start going through the list of people who appeared on the various shows, you realize how amazing the casts could be, in several senses of the word. Now, there were no few TV regulars involved, goodness knows; the various shows form part of the Standard TV Career. On the other hand, it’s kind of impressive how many people would go on to be big names. Amanda Plummer’s first TV appearance was on the episode “The Unforgivable Secret.” Anthony Kiedis, as “Cole Dammett,” made his on “It’s a Mile From Here to Glory.” A pre-Stand By Me River Phoenix had dyslexia; a pre-Fast Times at Ridgemont High Jennifer Jason Leigh thought she was pregnant over on CBS.

Now, part of the issue is that these episodes were aimed at us. So there was room for an episode with Yeardley Smith (in her TV debut) and Lauren Tom, admittedly both in their early twenties at the time, in the episode “Mom’s on Strike.” In a season that also included baby Seth Green being kidnapped by his mother. Also Mare Winningham (just pre-Saint Elmo’s Fire), Lance Guest (after The Last Starfighter but not his first go on one of these), Michelle Pfeiffer (just after Ladyhawke), and Val Kilmer (between Top Secret! and Real Genius) dealing with the horrors of drunk driving. There was room for a pre-Fame Maureen Teefy, a pre-Outsiders Ralph Macchio, and a pre-Scrubs Zach Braff on CBS, and while NBC mostly stuck to documentaries, they also had the first TV appearance of Cynthia Nixon.

It’s easier to focus on ABC, both because it’s the name we remember and because it had the most episodes. So, yes, you’d get baby Ben Affleck setting his mother Madeline Kahn up for a date through a personal ad. Marisa Tomei, very early in her career, playing the daughter of Barbara Bosson of Cop Rock fame. A young Helen Slater sees an angel in an episode also featuring Meg Ryan; neither was in her first TV appearance, but it was close for both of them. Heck, even Viggo Mortensen was on an Afterschool Special early in his career, even if that means in his early thirties.

While it’s also easy to focus on the younger people—both Dana Ashbrook and Sherilyn Fenn in their pre-Twin Peaks days—it’s worth noting that Dana Ashbrook appeared on an episode with Florence Henderson and Jessica Walter and Sherilyn Fenn appeared with Rhea Perlman. A lot of people appeared as themselves; part of the rabbit hole that led to this article was discovering Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on an episode. Meanwhile Pat Benatar has something like three credits not as herself, and one of them was “Torn Between Two Fathers.” James Earl Jones. Beau Bridges. Apparently Amanda Plummer is the daughter of Danny Aiello and Barbara Feldon, which is not what I would’ve predicted.

It’s easy to get fixated on the plots, which were very ripped-from-the-headlines a lot of the time. I think Scott Baio was addicted to drugs on at least two channels. CBS Schoolbreak Special even gave us the episode “15 and Getting Straight.” That said, “15 and Getting Straight” gave us Drew Barrymore, Corey Feldman, and Tatum O’Neal as drug addicts. It’s not exactly implausible. Loretta Swit played Wil Wheaton’s mother as they dealt with the schizophrenia of their characters’ husband and father. Sam Rockwell was on one of the many drunk-driving episodes. Lauryn Hill processed paternal abandonment. Even half the episodes that were fantastical plots were fantastical plots with famous people.

For decades, the most bonkers list of celebrities and proto-celebrities taught us about important issues. Robbie Rist, TV’s Cousin Oliver, learned that money doesn’t buy you happiness—yes, on an episode with Cynthia Nixon and Butterfly McQueen. Kristy McNichol learned to deal with her stepmother. Jodie Foster was a girl on the Little League team. James Ivory, Hildy Parks, and Ruth Prawer Jhabvala got Sir John Gielgud to teach us Shakespeare. Any number of people taught us about drugs and drinking, AIDS and teen pregnancy. Jonathan Crombie, TV’s Gilbert Blythe, taught us about censorship. Parents got divorced and had mental illness. People had disabilities. Parents had burnout and had been children and campaigned against nuclear weapons. A half-dozen times a year, we rushed home to watch celebrities and celebrities-to-be teach us. It’s hard to explain now.